but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
