I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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