I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He passed out mid-signature
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
