Cold hands, warm shart.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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