i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nutella sex= disaster
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
