don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
