The best revenge is premature balding
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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