My first STD was from a foam party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
