WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Randomize
