3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
