He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize