i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
