Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize