You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
