My nipple is on Facebook.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
