Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
