youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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