Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
