69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
