she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
