Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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