doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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