im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize