Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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