You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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