i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
