I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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