it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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