Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
