i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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