I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
