I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
