I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
