we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
