I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
