there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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