I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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