I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
