Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You made out with two different species that night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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