I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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