I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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