saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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