Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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