went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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