you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
