I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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