It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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