when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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