I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
