Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
