She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
