Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
