oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
