i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
