Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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