he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
