he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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