Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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