that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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