Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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