So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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