How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
