tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
