When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
