Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
