Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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