there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
