margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
