Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
