Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
