6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
