Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
