Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No stitches, just platelets and will power
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
