My hand turned me down
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
