he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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