Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
