Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
