Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're a waste of cheezeits
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
