so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
