my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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