3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
