Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm always down for nudity.
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