Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
