It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
