He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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