Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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