I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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