you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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