do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
