you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
