just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
