I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
