I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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