I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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