my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
